I don't know if I want to publish this......

It's really not that I'm doubting you love or anything I just doubt that I am high on your priority list. I want to go back to the beginning, back to when everything was okay. When I was "the lady" and everything was about me. I'm not asking to be the number one thing on your priority list, all I want is to at least be on it. I am probably going to end up not even posting this, because of how pathetic I sound. I wanted to write this whole thing without crying but that worked out to be a flop. any ways.... When we have a good day, it's a very good day. Then we have bad days of constant fighting and bickering. Bad days are BAD. I wish you knew how much days like that made me feel. Of course you will never know. It's not like you would even ask, Whenever you sense or even know some things wrong. You ask if I'm okay, and leave it at that. Of course I'm going to say I'm okay, I don't like complain to you, I feel like you just get annoyed. I wish I could have 1 day where I could be insecure and you would just let it happen. I'm sorry I feel like you need better. How am I supposed to feel? You constantly talk to girls and hide things from me. You can say you don't all you want but I know that's not the case at all. I wish you would take two seconds and see the what you've done, and how it hurt me. Actually don't, you will never admit you did something wrong. I am honestly so sick of feeling unappreciated. You hurt me with your words more then you would ever know. I really try to not let it show and so far i think I've done a pretty good job. I have given myself to you in every way possibly. I have opened up to you like I never thought I would ever be able to do. When you sit there and call me a bitch, or stupid, or tell me that I am annoying it makes me regret ever talking to you. Too bad you will never know or understand. You probably wont ever even take 2 seconds to read this. I just thought about the other day in the car when you told me you love me, and told me I was cute and I wanted to delete this. If I can be completely honest, I feel like I am back to square one, when i couldn't tell you anything and I kept everything to myself, unable to trust anyone with my feelings and my emotions. It makes me sad that I'm back to that but I feel like If I were to tell you how lonely I feel or how depressed I really am,I would just waste your time. Or you would tell me to stop being dramatic or insecure. Sorry but I am. I am incredibly insecure. I always let my emotions get the best of me. I wish I could just run away from all of my fears and insecurities. Is it a crime to want to be the only girl in your life. I feel like you play me like a puppet, you manipulate me to do whatever your in the mood to do that week, but if i ask you for something, It's too much for you to do for me, so god forbid you have to go out of your comfort zone. It seems like everything I do bothers or annoys you? Maybe you don't love me as much as you claim to. I'm done trying to make this work. If it's in the cards to be it, if not i guess i"ll just have to deal with it.